Fur-Covered Friends

Just a few pictures I found of some of our pets. One of our cats (Ezzy - so named because her back reminds me of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but I couldn't bring myself to call her Quasi, so Ezzy (after Esmerelda) it became) isn't included. I'm not sure where the photos of her went.























This is Hep. She's named for Audrey Hepburn because she's small and cute and black & white.


















This is Blackie. She's Hep's daughter.


















Oscar (dog) and Incredible (cat) sharing a bed. Incredible died a few years ago. He was both FeLV and FIV positive. Given only a maximum of two years to live when we found him, he was with us for six. I really miss him.
















Alaska looking pensive (or guilty - he has a habit of chewing up hardcover books).


















Harold curled on the bed with the giant bone.
















Harold's sister Maude. She lives with my brother now, but she and Harold get together for playdates. They're definitely a bonded pair.

Calm

Life has slowed down quite a lot, and I'm happier than a junebug in a hall of mirrors. Okay, bad simile. I'm a lot calmer than a junebug. But that's just the point. I'm calm. I can breathe. I don't feel caught in a whirlwind of activity and guilt. Or inactivity and guilt.

I've kept the weight off (with surprisingly little effort - being vegan has so many advantages), and I feel good. Now, if we could only afford produce. Organic produce. (I'm missing my green smoothies.) At the moment, we're subsisting on beans and brown rice, with the occasional whole wheat spaghetti night to break the monotony. Just waiting for the coffeehouse loan, and everything will be cushty.

I don't feel overwhelmed by the number of animals living with us. Right now, it's six - three dogs and three cats. In the past I've taken care of sick animals as well, and it was just a bit too much. At the moment (knock on wood), all are healthy and happy. I've also started feeding and housing birds in the backyard. I've been watching a family of cardinals for months, and I'm just intrigued. I could easily see myself falling into birdwatching. I've skirted around the edge for several years - ever since K and I spotted that crested caracara just north of San Antonio.

My home is clean and (mostly) orderly, and it's been this way for many months, now. I love to tidy my bedroom, so it tends to stay clean. It's a beautiful spot, filled with lace and stones and fallen leaves and old photographs of people I've never met but know oh so well. It's easy for me to keep a beautiful spot clean, but I'll pat myself on the back for a while, nonetheless. The kitchen, however, has been more of a bother. So, I took a page from Flylady (!) and focused a bit on the sink. It's an old stainless steel thing, all scratched and marred, but keeping it wiped clean has been surprisingly helpful. It's like a small, shining beacon in my little galley kitchen, and it encourages me to continue washing things, even when I've finished the sink. I'll move on to the counters, the stove, the top of the fridge, the cabinets, the floor.... And, as goes the kitchen, so goes the rest of the house. The living room sparkles (or would, if I'd dust just a tad more often). The dining room/office is orderly and open. The bathroom is cute and inviting. I feel like I've finally gotten things under control, after so many years.

I enjoy a clean, calm, open house. Instead of thinking about everything that needs to be done, I can let my mind wander. I'm more creative in a clean space. I'm happier. That's not the way it is for T and K, however, and that's been a bit of a problem. I've been working with K, though, and he's almost finished with his room. He was so excited that he could see the floor; he must have mentioned that at least five times last night, cute kiddo. Cute kiddo who's almost thirteen. Wow.

He's decided he wants to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show with me. I've forgotten most of the things one is supposed to yell or throw at the screen, but I'm sure there's a website or twenty that will spell it all out. It's been years since I've watched Rocky Horror, mostly because a good friend of mine who used to dress as Dr. Frankenfurter hasn't been here to watch with me. Of course, if there was any reason to watch it again, it would be watching it with K. How fun!

K loves my old movies, and there's very little that I own that I'd be uncomfortable watching with him (or that I know would make him feel uncomfortable). So, I often find him snuggled down in my bed watching a beloved movie like Peter's Friends or Harold and Maude or Tootsie. I'm stuck in the past with movies, I know. I prefer VHS to DVDs, and I have quite a large collection. Last night I was overjoyed to find a copy of Barefoot in the Park with Robert Redford and Jane Fonda for a quarter; I'd been looking for that one for the last few years. I like to watch movies at home where I can stop or rewind them at will. Still though, a dark theatre might be nice for a change. The last movie I remember seeing in a theatre was Last Chance Harvey with Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson a few years ago. I wonder if anything good is playing....

Off to work now, I suppose. Can't wait to give up this job and spend all my waking hours at my coffeeshop....

The Magic Mushroom

Well, it's been quite a while, and we've been going through lots of big changes on our little hill. I won't apologize for not writing or spend precious paragraphs categorizing the many reasons why. Simply put, I'm back, at least for this moment that is quietly slipping away.

I'm sitting beneath a lovely duvet I picked up cheap during the hot weeks of the summer. I just found a cover for it a few days ago - little lavender paisleys. (I was about to sew a couple of sheets together and have done with it.) I've never had a duvet before, mostly because the good ones are made of feathers, and I just couldn't (wouldn't) purchase one. However, this one was sitting unpretentiously in a Goodwill, sandwiched between a couple of terribly ugly polyester bedspreads, a $10 tag dangling from its side. I couldn't pass it up. And, I know my money is going to a good cause, rather than to murder birds. Win-win! I never knew before how warm and comfortable these sorts of blankets are. How did I live without one for so long? Next on the list - a duvet for K who loves snuggling down in his blankets.

So much has happened over this past year, I have no real idea where to begin. I guess I'll start with the big stuff. We're at the tip of a new adventure, standing at the top of a mountain with a snowball and a smile. We're applying for a business loan and dreaming of a coffeehouse. I finally finished the business plan a few weeks ago (!), and we're ready for the banks (!). T and I once owned a coffeehouse, though it was a ramshackle, glued-together affair. We opened it with my tax return of $1400 and the innocence to believe we could. It was housed in an old downtown hotel in Wichita Falls and was more popular than we ever could have dreamed. Now, we're dreaming bigger. Much bigger.

I want The Magic Mushroom Coffeehouse and Cafe to be the "Third Place" we've been searching for. I want K to spend his adolescent years in a bustling, friendly, everyone-knows-your-name sort of hippie hang-out. I do. At the old coffeehouse, when I was pregnant with K, I had dreams of bringing up a little one there, surrounded by people who cared for us and in the center of an ever-swirling whorl of activity. I think this sort of "Third Place" is almost a necessity for the unschooler. For many, their "Third Place" is also their home - filled with all sorts of folks at all hours. Not us. Almost no one visits us on Tangled Hill. This has never really bothered me, though, as I'm a fairly private girl, and I hate cleaning for company. Still, I think K has suffered a bit, and the coffeehouse should help with that in amazing way.

Also, the coffeehouse, by all accounts, should make reading our bank statements a bit more enjoyable. We've lived a simple, quiet life for a long time, now, and we've needed very little money to do so. We work to live, rather than the other way 'round. Still, money equals choices, at least to a degree, and there are a lot of choices that haven't been available to us. I have always wanted to learn to pot, and I'll be able to take classes. K is thinking about Aikido or theatre. Perhaps both. T mostly wants computer gadgets. And, we'll all be able to attend concerts, festivals, and what-have-yous. Yeah, I'm allowing myself to dream a bit.

I have so much to say about the simplicity I wrapped around myself here, but it just doesn't seem to fit this post. I guess I'll save it for later - perhaps tonight. I'll pour a cup of hot tea, pull my sweet little duvet over me, turn on some Iron & Wine or Hem, and consider this past year.

Updates Galore

Lots of updates. I guess that's not overly surprising, since I haven't written in such a long time.

K and I have been über-sick for days, now. Swine flu? A cold? You know, the symptoms are eerily similar. We've got sore throats, coughs, stuffy/runny noses, aches, fatigue, fever, and headaches. Hmm.... I'm not an alarmist when it comes to illnesses, but I'm tired of checking off nearly everything on the list of swine flu symptoms. I'm so ready to be done with this one.

We've started a strawberry cyser. Strawberries were cheap, so we decided it was high time we made something with them. It's gorgeous. The color is this amazing red, and the combination of apples, honey and strawberries smells bewitching. Of course, it will be another year to a year-and-a-half before we can drink it. Still, it's lovely to watch it bubble in the carboy.

We're getting ready to be backyard beekeepers. We use so much honey in mead making. Of course, we use it for tons of other things, as well - cooking, home remedies, facial cleanser, etc. Once we harvest our first honey, I plan to use it in soap making, as well, and to use the wax for balms and candles. I think the biggest hurdle will be in getting support from the neighbors. People have lots of fears when it comes to flying, stinging insects, even docile honey bees. If we do get everyone's okay, we figure we'll gather equipment over the next eleven months, read like crazy, and become bee parents around April of next year. I can't wait!

I was perusing Craigslist this evening and found six good-quality bookcases and a set of outdoor furniture for free. It took two trips in our sedan (T is a master at tying things down - we once furnished an entire 4500 (yes, 4500) sq. ft. coffeehouse using only a 1967 bug), but we've got it all home. T has put all the bookcases in the garage. He's been looking for bookcases for such a long time, and I'm so happy I could find some for him. He was busily setting up his books all evening. I think that brings his bookcase count up to nine. I just counted mine and K's, and we have ten between us. That's nineteen bookcases. We're a veritable library!

T has switched to veganism again. I'm hoping it's permanent this time. He goes back and forth from occasional meat eating to vegetarianism to veganism and back again. The last time he was vegan for any amount of time, he lost a good amount of weight, got his diabetes under control, and lowered his blood pressure and cholesterol. Yay veganism!

The other night, K and I watched a fabulous documentary, Consuming Kids. I read Susan Linn's book Consuming Kids a year ago and had no idea there would eventually be a movie based on it. It's one of those books you read that changes your perspective just enough to tilt you off balance for a while. I love books like that. I think, if I hadn't read the book first, the movie would serve the same purpose, at least to an extent. It doesn't go as in-depth as the book (of course), but it does grab you and shake you up a bit. After we watched the movie (at the address I linked to above), we stayed up late into the night (yay unschooling!) talking about marketing - why it's done, how it's evolved, how it's shaped our culture, and the effects it's had on children and on childhood. He absolutely loves movies like this. It amazes me. He just seems to sense when I'm watching something with a cultural or political slant and comes running (this is a child who adores Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow and who gets all excited when Frontline comes on PBS - go figure).

My first garden is coming along beautifully. When I was pushing seeds into the earth, I told myself, "Hopefully, at least one or two veggies will come up." Well, eveything has come up. Now, I'm going to have to learn how to thin the plants!

The book I'm working on is coming along, slowly but surely. I'm nearly done with the outlines, and I'm about to start writing the actual content. I just hope there are people out there who want to read what I have to say!

Okay, enough updates. I'll try to post more regularly (try being the operative word, here). Hope everyone is having a lovely spring!

Just in case anyone was wondering...

I'm tired of cleaning up after people who are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves. That is all.

A Well-Deserved Day Out

Today, we celebrated the end of a difficult week. We waded through lots of family/friend drama this week, and it was so nice to come out on the other side relatively unscathed. We decided the day called for something special. We all woke up early prepared to hit one yard sale after another, but being so close to Easter, it seems no one had any inclination to haul their stuff onto their lawns this morning. So, instead, we visited our favorite Austin thrift store, Thrift Town. I found the most deliciously vintage dark green pea coat for $5.99 and three brand name cloth diapers for $.69 each.

Then, we headed out to several Half Price Books stores where K sat and read manga for hours, T picked up a few brewing books and I found a $1.00 compilation of Leon Hale's Houston Chronicle articles from the late 1970's and early 1980's called Easy Going. I'd never read Hale's work before, and now I'm entranced. What a magical writer! I also found a Sue Bender book I hadn't read before called Plain and Simple: A Woman's Journey to the Amish.

What a haul, huh? I'm elated! I was searching for a good book on organic vegetable gardening, but no luck. I just started gardening, and as much as I enjoy it (is there anything more fulfilling?), I feel a bit lost. Oh, well. Maybe next time.

Then, we stopped by Austin Homebrew (the "Make Your Own Damn Beer" guys) for some fixin's. Tonight, we bottle the mead and start a batch of raspberry beer. Yum!

After that, it was on to the Mediterranean buffet for all the hummus, tabouli, dolmas, falafel, baba ganoush, lentil soup and baked cauliflower we could eat! Not surprisingly, I'm stuffed. Amazingly, T is in the kitchen right now cooking up berry pies for tomorrow. He's spending the day with his boss and a friend, while K and I visit my grandmother a few hours north of here.

As I type this, my eyelids feel heavy and my body seems to be melting into the couch. It's been a long day, but a good one. Still have to bottle and brew....

Update - 11:00 PM: Damn, the malt and hops boiling on the stove smells good!

Update 2 - 12:30 AM: All done. 24 beautiful, corked, amber bottles of spiced ginger cyser and a 5 gallon carboy full of fermenting raspberry beer. Yay!

Just a Quick Note about Aprons

I kinda like 'em.

Right now, I'm wearing a mushroom fabric half-apron. I also own a hippie-looking batik half-apron and a green gingham half-apron with green and pink rick rack. When I wear one of them, I feel so... domestic. And productive. I swear, I accomplish twice as much each time I knot one behind my back. Today, for instance, I purged almost all the plastic and lead items from the kitchen (for some reason, I wasn't ready to toss them all out before, so I had shoved them to the back of the kitchen cabinets). I also swept and spot mopped, cleaned off the fronts of the kitchen cabinets, moved my teapot collection to the top of the cabinets, made bread, cleaned the stove and counters, did the dishes, and rearranged the contents of all the cabinets to suit my diabolical needs.

Okay, so the aprons may not be the source of all my powers. The coffee might have had a little something to do with it, too.

Now to direct my super cleaning powers to the master bathroom. Bwah hah hah!

(P.S. I want an apron like this, next. Wow....)




















Update: Well, I ended up doing much more than I listed here. I swept and mopped the bathroom, cleaned the counters and toilet, rearranged some things in the bedroom, vacuumed, and then spent some time with my brother. Phew!

Second update: I bought a new (to me) apron for $1.50! It's another batik half-apron, much like my first one. Utterly cool. Yay domesticity!

Finding Peace Amidst the Rubble of a Stressful Life

I can be a wound up girl, sometimes. I've gotten to a place in my life where I'm centered and calm, for the most part, and if you were to ask anyone who's met me in the past year, they'd tell you I live a slow, tranquil, happy life. For years, though, I was unable to deal with the everyday. This was a shameful thing for me, and I hid it well. Okay, pretty well. I kept it all inside, flooding my body with anxiety and guilt. (Oh, the guilt....) It spilled out from time to time, but mostly, I kept it all for myself.

I probably would never have de-stressed otherwise, but I found out a little over a year ago that I had to tone down the constant hum of my anxiety for health reasons. I just can't afford to let myself be stressed for any length of time.

Striving for a stress-free life was difficult. I didn't know where to begin. So, I started with the obvious. I had a career that was causing me so much stress, it was almost laughable. I was completely unable to shake off that anxiety, even for a moment. The weight of it was crushing. So, I quit. No bells and whistles. No floundering back and forth. No working less or trying to be more efficient. I just quit and then found myself a no-stress retail job. After the guilt that inevitably comes with quitting (and the subsequent drop in income) subsided, I could finally breathe again.

Then, of course, I looked around and saw that while I had been battling career anxiety, the rest of the world around me had crumbled into little piles of rubble, as well. More stress. Oops.

So, I thought a bit and convinced myself that peace really does begin at home. And when I say at home, I mean within me. Being so anxious and stressed, I really wasn't peaceful, at all, and I was tainting my little family with my apprehensions. I realized that, even in the midst of turbulence and unease - heck, even in the midst of tragedy - there is peace somewhere. I just had to find it and focus on it, bring it out of the woodwork and give it a prominent place in my life. This was a huge realization for me. If I could find that peace and hang onto it, things would fall into place - or, at least, I'd be able to deal with them.

So, I started a list of all the things that made me feel peaceful, and any time I felt uneasy, I employed some of the tactics on the list until I was calm again, until my world was righted and I was again that mild, peaceful woman I strive to be. That list has grown quite a bit over the last year. Just in case you, dearest reader, are where I used to be, here are some of the things that have helped me through the rough patches:

• Music. I'm very affected by music, so when I'm stressed, I choose calming songs that have no real emotional ties for me. Some of my favorites for de-stressing are Hem, Nick Drake, Iron & Wine, Alexi Murdoch.... That sort of thing. Soothing. I also find myself drawn to music from my childhood - Warren Zevon, Simon and Garfunkel, Bill Quateman....
  
• Candles. Cheesy, I know, but something about candles is very peaceful to me. So, I set a candle on top of my piano (probably the most beautiful spot in the house), turn down the lights, lie back on the couch, and watch the flame - sometimes for hours if that's what it takes.
• Taking a walk by myself around the block. If it's nighttime, I bring along one of the dogs. Fresh air is my friend, but exercise feels like a chore. Walking, however, as long as it's not too fast, doesn't feel like exercise, so I enjoy it.
  
• Sitting out on the front porch. We have only the pretense of a porch, but it's big enough for a chair. If it's raining, all the better. Rain is very soothing to me.
  
• Thrift store browsing. Don't ask my why, but something about thrift stores calms me, so I go with it. Maybe it's all these cast-off items huddling together on a shelf just waiting for the right person to discover them. It's like a thousand little fairy tales.
  
• Rescue Remedy. Even if it's a placebo effect, it helps.
• Getting enough - but not too much - sleep. I have a tendency to oversleep, rather than get up and deal with my stressors, and this is just as bad as not sleeping long enough. It makes me groggy and less able to deal with life.
  
• Talking to myself. Really. Especially if I'm driving alone or taking a shower. I can talk up a storm. And, for some reason, this helps tremendously - whether it's talking about whatever's stressing me out or talking about something completely different.
• Petting the animals and really focusing on their enjoyment of it.
• Reading. If I'm not too stressed, this works great. If I'm uber-stressed, though, I tend to gloss over the words without really taking them in.
• Herbal tea. This works in conjunction with everything else. If I'm sitting down with a cup of chamomile or cinnamon tea, my body relaxes, and I feel like I'm treating myself to something special.
• Movies. There are certain movies that can calm me down just about any time. Jimmy Stewart's Harvey, Harold and Maude, Pretty in Pink, Broadcast News, Audrey Hepburn's Sabrina....
• Reminding myself that at X time, this will all be just a memory. Works well for those stresses that are leading up to something and will then be over.
• Snacking while focusing completely on the flavor and texture of what I'm eating. Even if it's only a few bites, this seems to help.
• Considering the worst possible scenario. It's almost never worth the amount of stress the situation causes me, so this works well most of the time. Every once in a while, though, it makes me even more stressed, so be careful with this one.
  
• Driving aimlessly. Bad for the environment, but good for my soul, somehow.
• Singing along with music. For me, focusing on the music and my voice is extremely calming and centering. This is one of my talents, and I know it, so focusing on it doesn't make me feel even worse. I work to form each word and tone exactly the way the singer does. It's my own little voice exercise, I guess, and it takes my mind off whatever is bothering me.
  
• Keeping a home management binder. I feel so much more organized with everything in one place, and feeling organized helps me be organized. Not sure how that works, but it does. The parts of the binder that I use daily are the planner, the cleaning checklist (homemade), the food log, the unschooling log, my to-do lists, and the budget. There are other parts too, but those are the biggies in terms of feeling at peace with my life. Writing in those each day helps me feel caught up.
  
• Simplifying. This is one for the long haul, but I've found that the simpler and less complicated my everyday life is, the less stressed I feel. De-cluttering, cutting down on commitments, etc. - these sorts of things really have helped a lot.
• Keeping the house clean. This was hard to do at the height of my stress, but I knew that a messy house, for me at least, just breeds more stress and guilt. It's hard to function in. I started with my living room. It was my little spot, and I could go there to calm down. Just having that one spot where I liked to sit feel clean and pretty made a big difference. If I were sitting in my bedroom, all I'd see were things that needed to be done. I had to have just one space that didn't really need anything.
• Having a stash of money saved up. I didn't realize how much money worries were affecting me until I started really saving for a rainy day. Once I had enough saved up to get us through bad times (should they come), I felt this huge weight lifted. Just knowing that we're covered in case of an emergency means so much and has such an impact on my stress level.
• Admitting when I feel overwhelmed and asking for help. This was hard for me, as I'm a little bit of a control freak. But, not having everything on my shoulders really has changed my stress level quite a bit.

Of course, none of these is as important as going easy on myself. So what if I didn't get the dishes done or the article finished? So what if the house is a wreck? So what if I forgot to pay a bill? These things aren't all that important. My health is. My family having an unstressed, healthy mama is important, too.

And, perhaps most importantly, I've gotten rid of unnecessary stresses in my life. In addition to quitting my job, I've lowered some of my standards, stopped talking to people that made me feel tense, actually *did* some of the things that I felt guilt for not doing (like going vegan after being vegetarian and feeling guilty for 19 years, or writing to my grandmother every week, or actually losing the weight), etc. I also took a hiatus from the computer. My earlier career was computer based, and so, the computer ended up being a big part of my stress. I decided to take a couple of months off. When I came back, I emptied my email folder and started anew. That made a huge difference. I told people no more emails, and now my inbox isn't so daunting. In fact, I generally get it to zero on a daily basis. I'm also better able to hop on for a few minutes and hop right back off. Before, I was spending hours on the computer each day in order, I think, to neglect other parts of my life. Not consciously, of course, but it still had the same effect. After taking the break, my computer usage is much more balanced and helpful (rather than detrimental).

So, now you know my little secret. Peace doesn't come naturally to me. I have to work hard at it, and even then, sometimes, I fail. But, I keep trying, and I have to say, I'm enjoying my life, again. It's wonderful to wake up and not feel like burrowing back under the covers to hide from the inevitable. I can stare each day in the face and smile. The weight I'd carried around for so long is nearly gone, now. It's an amazing feeling.

Cute Little Blue Flowers

While K and T enjoyed Monday game day, I spent the afternoon in thrift stores trying on clothes. Maybe it's just me, but everything I like on the rack seems to look silly when I'm standing in front of a dressing room mirror. More than silly. I turn into the archetypal fool.

Why is it that a t-shirt and jeans, or a t-shirt and hippie skirt, are all that work on me, anymore? I like things with cute little blue flowers just as much as the next girl, but while she can pull it off, I just look laughable.

Yummy Lentil Tagine with Sweet Potatoes

After chucking our lead-filled crock pot, we finally got our new Le Creuset Moroccan tagine. Hungry and curious, I decided to pull it out and give it a try. I am totally in love with the thing! I don't know that I've ever had a yummier, healthier meal, and it was so simple!

I looked through several tagine recipes; however, the meal, itself, is also called a tagine, so most of the recipes called for cooking it in a regular pot. I figured out what sort of ingredients sounded the most appetizing, decided on how much water to include, set the stove on low, and hoped for the best. What a surprise when it turned out perfectly!
















Here's what I did (yes, another of my un-recipes; everything is "to taste"):

Lentils
Twice as much water as lentils (I put 1/2 a veggie bullion cube in mine)
Sweet potatoes
Carrots
Tomatoes
Onions
Raisins
Garlic
Cinnamon
Grated ginger
Cumin
Cayenne pepper
Salt

I chopped up the veggies and loaded everything except the raisins into the tagine on low heat. About an hour and a half later, I added the raisins. I stirred it every half hour or so, but that was only because I'd never cooked in a tagine before and wanted to keep an eye on things. I probably won't the next time. After a total of about three hours, everything was done. We ate it over couscous.

Okay, now I'm hungry....