I'm sad tonight. Really, really sad. I just can't think of another word for it. Which is ironic (or not) considering the reason why.
I used to be a poet. That was what I did; that was who I was. My identity. A poet. There used to be this feeling I got - this need to write. Bone deep. It was physical and urgent. I hadn't felt even a sliver of that compulsion in three or four years. Maybe five or six. I've been a bit inspired to write from time to time, but I hadn't felt that demanding urge to get it all out in forever. I used to feel it daily - hourly - until it just slipped away, somehow. You just can't imagine how much I've been missing it.
Until tonight. It was there for a fleeting moment, life happened (as it inevitably does), and then it was gone. And, try as I might, I can't get it back.
I haven't felt this sad in a long, long time.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sad.
Labels:
life
Posted by kivyn at 9:27 PM
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7 comments:
Oh, I'm so very sorry. :( I've been battling the blues myself over the past few weeks.
Do you suppose it has to do with who you were and how much you loved what you did then, but now you have grown and changed and are missing a bit of that person that you were? I experience this from time to time. I "try on" a littl of who I used to be and find a little bit of the old thrill, but only for a time and then I go on with this new me I have become. I can actually think of very specific times this has happened to me, it affected me so. You are not alone in this. :) I hope your spirits will lift soon.
I've been thinking about this all night. Yeah, I think I'm missing her, but I'm also missing the creativity that used to come with that roller coaster of emotions I used to live.... There was a need to write, a need to get it all down, somehow. But, for years, my life has been fairly flat. Not in a bad way, I guess. It's been calm. Slow. Lovely, in a way, but not truly inducive to that maddening creativity I used to experience daily. But, yeah, my life has moved in another direction. I'm just lagging behind a bit, I think.
Creativity is something I've struggled with for a long time. I always want to be doing more, but can't always achieve it. Sometimes I find I have to force it. I've found that the more I do, the easier it gets. And this is with all forms of art that I work on - poetry included. A couple of years ago, I started A Month of Poetry. Come join me: http://monthofpoetry.blogspot.com/
It might help, or it might not, but even if you're doing some small thing, I bet you'll find that oiling those wheels even just a little, gets them moving a bit. And that always feels good.
Surfed in from Mothering...
Do you think you could (or could have) used that sadness for motivation for a poem? I don't know...it might lead you to a bad place to tap into that feeling. I used to write poetry as well and feel sort of like my creative nonfiction gives voice to any strong emotion poetry would have expressed "back in the day."
Wishing you words...
lets catch up on the phone today... i know egg-zak-ly what u mean. i've been thinking of digging thru the garage as well to find my old stuff... you are missed every day here...
lillith
Although you may not feel this post is "poetry", it IS poetic - your words flow and express your thoughts beautifully and you wrote it. You are writing and creating with your blog.. I so enjoyed my visit this morning over my first cup of coffee. You have a peaceful and inspirational place here. Thank you for that and thank you for sharing with us. Keep on writing - each word is of YOU.
Love,
Kim
Okay, I've been feeling a bit more... able, I guess, to express myself, recently. In fact, I feel the urge to write some songs. You guys are wonderful. Really. Thank you, again and again.
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