I Didn't Meet Robin Williams.

I hate being shy. I do. I don’t know why I’m this way; it’s just how things have always been.

But it wasn’t always all that noticeable – until I married an outgoing guy and had an outgoing kid, I mean. Now, I’m always comparing myself to the two of them, and my shyness seems to stand out like a beacon – I’m over here, and I’m afraid to talk to you!

Yesterday, Robin Williams showed up at K's homeschool game day. Really. I swear. Robin Williams. Short, stocky, hairy, cute, sweet-voiced Mork. He was in Dragon’s Lair buying a stack of comics before his show at the Frank Erwin Center. And what did I do? Aching to meet him, one of my all-time favorite actors – a man I had recently described as an acting god – I rushed to tell my husband he was in the store and that he should go shake his hand. And then, I found my son, explained who was lurking near, helped him figure out what to say, and let my hubby take him over to meet him while I stood back, a pain growing in my palm, all gangly and awkward feeling, wishing my son’s hair had already dried enough so that I could have brushed it, and hungering to be more like them.

I wanted to say hi. Wanted to shake his hand, get a picture, an autograph, grovel at his feet, ask him to sit on his head, run my fingers across his arm hair, find out his favorite book, color, vegetable, Dr. Seuss character. I wanted to poke around in his brain, challenge him to a footrace, get him to laugh. I wanted to do so many things - a few of which would have been socially acceptable. I did none of them.

Even my brother, a soul more like me than any I know, is now on a social anxiety drug. Yeah, he was the first in our little group to meet him. Walked right up and asked if it was really him. Shook his hand (he has a very firm left grip, apparently – but I’m only good for hearsay).

So, now I’m all alone in my shyness. Before, the two of us probably would have pushed each other to go talk to him – and, perhaps, we might have. Instead, it was just me hanging back, surreptitiously wiping tears from my eyes, smiling. And then he was gone.

And that was it. That was my not-so-close encounter with Robin Williams.