Finding Peace Amidst the Rubble of a Stressful Life

I can be a wound up girl, sometimes. I've gotten to a place in my life where I'm centered and calm, for the most part, and if you were to ask anyone who's met me in the past year, they'd tell you I live a slow, tranquil, happy life. For years, though, I was unable to deal with the everyday. This was a shameful thing for me, and I hid it well. Okay, pretty well. I kept it all inside, flooding my body with anxiety and guilt. (Oh, the guilt....) It spilled out from time to time, but mostly, I kept it all for myself.

I probably would never have de-stressed otherwise, but I found out a little over a year ago that I had to tone down the constant hum of my anxiety for health reasons. I just can't afford to let myself be stressed for any length of time.

Striving for a stress-free life was difficult. I didn't know where to begin. So, I started with the obvious. I had a career that was causing me so much stress, it was almost laughable. I was completely unable to shake off that anxiety, even for a moment. The weight of it was crushing. So, I quit. No bells and whistles. No floundering back and forth. No working less or trying to be more efficient. I just quit and then found myself a no-stress retail job. After the guilt that inevitably comes with quitting (and the subsequent drop in income) subsided, I could finally breathe again.

Then, of course, I looked around and saw that while I had been battling career anxiety, the rest of the world around me had crumbled into little piles of rubble, as well. More stress. Oops.

So, I thought a bit and convinced myself that peace really does begin at home. And when I say at home, I mean within me. Being so anxious and stressed, I really wasn't peaceful, at all, and I was tainting my little family with my apprehensions. I realized that, even in the midst of turbulence and unease - heck, even in the midst of tragedy - there is peace somewhere. I just had to find it and focus on it, bring it out of the woodwork and give it a prominent place in my life. This was a huge realization for me. If I could find that peace and hang onto it, things would fall into place - or, at least, I'd be able to deal with them.

So, I started a list of all the things that made me feel peaceful, and any time I felt uneasy, I employed some of the tactics on the list until I was calm again, until my world was righted and I was again that mild, peaceful woman I strive to be. That list has grown quite a bit over the last year. Just in case you, dearest reader, are where I used to be, here are some of the things that have helped me through the rough patches:

• Music. I'm very affected by music, so when I'm stressed, I choose calming songs that have no real emotional ties for me. Some of my favorites for de-stressing are Hem, Nick Drake, Iron & Wine, Alexi Murdoch.... That sort of thing. Soothing. I also find myself drawn to music from my childhood - Warren Zevon, Simon and Garfunkel, Bill Quateman....
  
• Candles. Cheesy, I know, but something about candles is very peaceful to me. So, I set a candle on top of my piano (probably the most beautiful spot in the house), turn down the lights, lie back on the couch, and watch the flame - sometimes for hours if that's what it takes.
• Taking a walk by myself around the block. If it's nighttime, I bring along one of the dogs. Fresh air is my friend, but exercise feels like a chore. Walking, however, as long as it's not too fast, doesn't feel like exercise, so I enjoy it.
  
• Sitting out on the front porch. We have only the pretense of a porch, but it's big enough for a chair. If it's raining, all the better. Rain is very soothing to me.
  
• Thrift store browsing. Don't ask my why, but something about thrift stores calms me, so I go with it. Maybe it's all these cast-off items huddling together on a shelf just waiting for the right person to discover them. It's like a thousand little fairy tales.
  
• Rescue Remedy. Even if it's a placebo effect, it helps.
• Getting enough - but not too much - sleep. I have a tendency to oversleep, rather than get up and deal with my stressors, and this is just as bad as not sleeping long enough. It makes me groggy and less able to deal with life.
  
• Talking to myself. Really. Especially if I'm driving alone or taking a shower. I can talk up a storm. And, for some reason, this helps tremendously - whether it's talking about whatever's stressing me out or talking about something completely different.
• Petting the animals and really focusing on their enjoyment of it.
• Reading. If I'm not too stressed, this works great. If I'm uber-stressed, though, I tend to gloss over the words without really taking them in.
• Herbal tea. This works in conjunction with everything else. If I'm sitting down with a cup of chamomile or cinnamon tea, my body relaxes, and I feel like I'm treating myself to something special.
• Movies. There are certain movies that can calm me down just about any time. Jimmy Stewart's Harvey, Harold and Maude, Pretty in Pink, Broadcast News, Audrey Hepburn's Sabrina....
• Reminding myself that at X time, this will all be just a memory. Works well for those stresses that are leading up to something and will then be over.
• Snacking while focusing completely on the flavor and texture of what I'm eating. Even if it's only a few bites, this seems to help.
• Considering the worst possible scenario. It's almost never worth the amount of stress the situation causes me, so this works well most of the time. Every once in a while, though, it makes me even more stressed, so be careful with this one.
  
• Driving aimlessly. Bad for the environment, but good for my soul, somehow.
• Singing along with music. For me, focusing on the music and my voice is extremely calming and centering. This is one of my talents, and I know it, so focusing on it doesn't make me feel even worse. I work to form each word and tone exactly the way the singer does. It's my own little voice exercise, I guess, and it takes my mind off whatever is bothering me.
  
• Keeping a home management binder. I feel so much more organized with everything in one place, and feeling organized helps me be organized. Not sure how that works, but it does. The parts of the binder that I use daily are the planner, the cleaning checklist (homemade), the food log, the unschooling log, my to-do lists, and the budget. There are other parts too, but those are the biggies in terms of feeling at peace with my life. Writing in those each day helps me feel caught up.
  
• Simplifying. This is one for the long haul, but I've found that the simpler and less complicated my everyday life is, the less stressed I feel. De-cluttering, cutting down on commitments, etc. - these sorts of things really have helped a lot.
• Keeping the house clean. This was hard to do at the height of my stress, but I knew that a messy house, for me at least, just breeds more stress and guilt. It's hard to function in. I started with my living room. It was my little spot, and I could go there to calm down. Just having that one spot where I liked to sit feel clean and pretty made a big difference. If I were sitting in my bedroom, all I'd see were things that needed to be done. I had to have just one space that didn't really need anything.
• Having a stash of money saved up. I didn't realize how much money worries were affecting me until I started really saving for a rainy day. Once I had enough saved up to get us through bad times (should they come), I felt this huge weight lifted. Just knowing that we're covered in case of an emergency means so much and has such an impact on my stress level.
• Admitting when I feel overwhelmed and asking for help. This was hard for me, as I'm a little bit of a control freak. But, not having everything on my shoulders really has changed my stress level quite a bit.

Of course, none of these is as important as going easy on myself. So what if I didn't get the dishes done or the article finished? So what if the house is a wreck? So what if I forgot to pay a bill? These things aren't all that important. My health is. My family having an unstressed, healthy mama is important, too.

And, perhaps most importantly, I've gotten rid of unnecessary stresses in my life. In addition to quitting my job, I've lowered some of my standards, stopped talking to people that made me feel tense, actually *did* some of the things that I felt guilt for not doing (like going vegan after being vegetarian and feeling guilty for 19 years, or writing to my grandmother every week, or actually losing the weight), etc. I also took a hiatus from the computer. My earlier career was computer based, and so, the computer ended up being a big part of my stress. I decided to take a couple of months off. When I came back, I emptied my email folder and started anew. That made a huge difference. I told people no more emails, and now my inbox isn't so daunting. In fact, I generally get it to zero on a daily basis. I'm also better able to hop on for a few minutes and hop right back off. Before, I was spending hours on the computer each day in order, I think, to neglect other parts of my life. Not consciously, of course, but it still had the same effect. After taking the break, my computer usage is much more balanced and helpful (rather than detrimental).

So, now you know my little secret. Peace doesn't come naturally to me. I have to work hard at it, and even then, sometimes, I fail. But, I keep trying, and I have to say, I'm enjoying my life, again. It's wonderful to wake up and not feel like burrowing back under the covers to hide from the inevitable. I can stare each day in the face and smile. The weight I'd carried around for so long is nearly gone, now. It's an amazing feeling.